The Birth Story

On July 26th, 2012 on a beautiful Thursday morning I woke up feeling pretty good. I was 37 weeks 5 days pregnant and on that particular day I felt like I could stay pregnant for a few more weeks! I was in no rush to get things moving along. The entire pregnancy had been different from the start, but I wasn't expecting what happened next. With all 4 of my previous pregnancies my water didn't break until I was about to push my baby out, so when I was sitting on my exercise ball and I felt the sharp pain in the lower part of my uterus I just KNEW that something was happening, and I was SHOCKED when I stood up and water gushed down my legs. I left a trail of perfume-smelling water all the way across the house and into the bathroom. I began to shake and cry as the thought I'm not ready for this! This can't be happening yet! repeated over and over in my head. I was scared and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was "off". At the time it was hard to distinguish between the unknown, the fear, and the deep intuitive sense that there was something wrong... So we made the tough decision to wait for my body to either go into labor naturally or to give me a sign that we should head to the hospital. One of the warning signs that I knew to watch out for was a fever. So as I was standing in the bathroom, feeling the constant gushing of water down my legs, I began to pray fervently for wisdom and strength to get through whatever would happen next. Adam called my parents and sisters and told them that I would probably have the baby in the next few hours. Dad, Mom, Reuben, Anthony, Christine, and Emilia all arrived at our house only two hours after my water broke, but nothing was happening. I was having a few contractions here and there, but none that were painful or effective. We went about our day and had a great time, but once in a while I would slip away from my family and be faced with the same thoughts and fears that had been plaguing me throughout the entire pregnancy... my body was just not doing what it had always done so well! My mom and I walked around our property many times, trying to get the contractions to pick up and regulate. That night Adam and I went to the store to pick up some snacks and last-minute items that we would need for birthing our baby at home, then we came back home and went to bed. Mom, Reuben, Christine, and Emilia spent the night, and we all expected to wake up to my labor. But instead I woke up to chills and a fever that I felt deep inside my body. So I immediately made the decision to go to the hospital. It had been 24 hours since my water broke and still nothing was happening. I didn't know what to do, but I knew doing nothing was not the answer. When we arrived at the hospital we talked to the midwife who was on call. She was so knowledgeable and amazing, I liked her immediately and knew that I could trust her to do everything my way. We decided to wait until Sunday morning before trying to induce labor, since 95% of women go into labor naturally within 72 hours of their water breaking. Thankfully we did not have to wait that long - contractions finally picked up and became regular at 8:30pm that Friday night. My mom had taken my oldest 3 boys to her house, and my sister had gone to work, so it was just me, Adam, and Heidi. By 10pm the contractions had gotten so strong that I knew I had to be in transition. The midwife checked me and I was only 4 - 5 centimeters dilated! With my previous 3 hospital births I had always felt uneasy and wished that I was at home, giving birth in peace and quiet with no one monitoring or interfering with the progression of birth. And with my daughter I was so comfortable and felt safe when I finally followed my natural instinct and gave birth to her in our home only 17 months ago. But this time.... I knew something was wrong and I felt safe in the hospital. It was a strange feeling, knowing that something was going to happen but feeling unsure of what it could be. So when the midwife told me that I was only dilated at a 4 or 5 I knew that it was going to be far more painful than it had been with the others. I knew my limit - and I had reached it! So I asked for an epidural, despite the side effects that I knew it could cause, and I am so thankful that I made that choice! The drugs kicked in just in time. I was numb but my entire body was shaking uncontrollably, my jaw was on fire and I felt like all my muscles were so tight they could crush my own bones. If I had been able to feel the pain I have zero doubt that I would have passed out or shut down physically in some way. My blood pressure was really high and I was so cold, even with the epidural. At 12:55am on the 28th of July, 2012, 4 1/2 hours after labor finally started, 36 hours after my water broke, my 2nd daughter was born weighing 7lbs 14oz, 21" long. She took 2 or 3 small, weak, raspy breaths, and then she went limp on my stomach. My world stopped spinning. My heart rate and fever skyrocketed. A group of nurses swarmed in and took my sweet baby girl to the little bed across the room where they began to resuscitate her. Her tiny heartbeat stayed strong the whole time, and after an eternity she finally started breathing on her own. By this time my sister had arrived and I was delirious and in shock. For the next several hours I was paranoid and very delusional. I switched back and forth between thinking that they had given my baby to someone else, that she was missing fingers, that she was starving and I couldn't feed her, and that she had died and they weren't telling me. I also thought that I was dying or was going into a coma. THOUSANDS of thoughts flew through my head - it would take forever to write them all down - but each one of them was real to me and seemed logical and rational at the time. I was so surprised when I woke up the next morning after getting a few hours of nightmarish sleep to find out that Harmoni Marie was alive and had been doing well since 10 minutes after her birth. As reality slowly came back to me I felt silly and embarrassed of everything that happened. Christine and I have had a few good laughs about it since then, but in all honesty it was one of the scariest things I've ever been through in my life. But the next few days were even scarier as Adam and I faced some of the hardest choices we've ever had to make. Harmoni had a fever when she was born - it could have meant that she had a bacterial infection from the water being broken for so long, or it could have been from my fever. They put her on antibiotics right away, and although her 48 hour blood cultures came back negative the doctors wanted to keep her on the antibiotics for a full 7 - 10 days. If you know anything about antibiotics, and the IV fluids they use to administer the antibiotics, you would understand how hard it was for us to see our newborn baby's tiny body get pumped with all that crap. The problem is that if she had a bacterial infection then the antibiotics would be saving her life. But if she didn't have a bacterial infection, which was far more likely after getting the negative blood cultures, then the antibiotics and IV fluids were needlessly wreaking havoc on her digestive system and tiny organs. Breastfeeding was a struggle due to all the wires and IV lines coming out of her, but this momma was determined and experienced, so we prevailed with just a little difficulty. Harmoni's CRP levels (white blood cell count) were pretty elevated at 24 hours but decreased steadily each day. By day 3 they were slightly elevated but within normal range. Adam and I finally made the choice to stop the antibiotics and IV fluids after 72 hours. The doctors were VERY insistent (to say the least), and they used every scare tactic in the book to try to convince us that we were potentially killing our baby by taking her off the meds before the full 7 days. But we had done our research and were able to present articles and studies that proved that the medical science was on our side and the chance of Harmoni having late or early onset sepsis (bacterial infection) was so remote (late onset was actually increasing with every day we spent in the hospital) that it made no sense to keep her on the antibiotics. I could tell the doctors were used to dealing with incompetence and ignorance on the part of their patients, and they didn't know how to respond to us. I also couldn't believe how illogical they were and how much they tried to appeal to my emotions. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "But this is SEPSIS!" Seriously people. I know what it could be, but you don't have a logical answer to my questions. >.< At one point the doctor even said that we were forcing the entire pediatrician board to reexamine their protocols. That made me happy. ;) We finally reached a compromise and agreed to stay one more night, with Harmoni off the antibiotics and staying in our hospital room (up until then she was in the NICU). We tested her CRP levels the next morning and they had decreased even more and were well within the normal range, so we finally were discharged after only a small debate with the doctor who was still adamant that she stay for one more night even though he didn't have any medical reason. But we won out and were discharged by noon on Wednesday, 5 days after the birth. The relief and joy that I felt cannot be put into words. We knew that if her CRP levels had come back elevated after removing her from the antibiotics we would have been back at square one and not only would we have to put her on the full 7 days of antibiotics, but it would mean our baby was still very sick, which I don't think I could have handled. I have never prayed so hard, begged God so passionately, or cried so fervently as I did that Wednesday morning before we got the CRP results back. Throughout this whole experience God's grace, mercy, and endless, boundless love has poured out on my family. I will forever praise Him and give Him all the glory for giving my baby her life and health, and for directing and blessing our decisions. God is good and my relationship with Him will never be the same. <3