I swear there are a million different thoughts flying through my head right now. Some are good, some are stressors, some are just plain annoying and a waste of good brain cells. :P How do you turn your brain off? There should be a switch that you can flip when you want to sleep or just stop thinking and relax. I guess I'll just make a list of some of the things I'm thinking about. At the very least it will help me organize my thoughts, and at worst it will spew them into cyberspace... :P
1. I need to go to the dentist, but we don't have insurance and I definitely don't want to pay for it out of pocket, since our pockets aren't that deep. :P This one is a stressor. My teeth hurt. I've been eating way too much junk. Which leads me to #2...
2. I eat way too much junk. I do great all day, only eating tiny portions of healthy, whole, organic foods, and then I get in the snacky mood at night and I eat 5 cookies or a huge turkey sandwich, or (like tonight), 5 cookies AND a huge (HUGE) turkey sandwich. No wonder the scale won't budge! I just want to lose maybe 20 more pounds. Heck, I would be happy to lose just 10 more pounds! Well, my goal is to lose 30 pounds by spring, but right now that seems unreachable. I wish this were easier. *sigh*
3. I am sick and tired of the schedule that I am on. I try to go to bed at a reasonable time, but by the time the kids go to bed all I want is to have a few hours to unwind and listen to the silence! :P The few nights that I go to bed by 10pm I always feel GREAT the next day. I wake up by 8am, sometimes earlier, and I pop out of bed (after nursing my beautiful baby for 30 minutes), and I attack my day like Austin attacks his brothers. Well... maybe not that vigorously.
4. So. Thirsty. Need. To. Drink. Water! Lol. I was going to say, "Need. To. Drink. More. Water." but that would require drinking SOME water, which I haven't been doing at all. What is wrong with me? I am nursing for goodness sake! I drink lots of whole, raw milk, but unless someone pours it down my throat I rarely drink water!
5. I am seeing a pattern here.... I think I need better self-discipline. I mean, duh. Those previous 3 points are ALL in MY control! So I just need to TAKE control.
6. A good thought that keeps popping into my head recently: I feel SO optimistic about our church! Every Sunday that we are able to go, I have come away feeling excited and passionate about the growth and change that is happening. I'm sad that some people left, and I sure miss a few faces, but for the most part I am seeing how good this has been for everyone who stayed. We are liberated to live in grace towards one another and to let the Lord use each and every one of us as members of Christ's Body.
7. Harmoni is sure getting big and chunky! I love her so much. Every day I try to remember to thank God for her precious life, and for blessing me with this sweetest of all little babies. <3 I also thank God for Austin, Aidin, Alvin, and Heidi, and I am constantly asking that He will help me to have wisdom and unconditional love for each and every one of my beautiful children. I am so tremendously blessed. If I lose everything in this world I will still be rich and wonderfully happy just to have my babies in my arms. But enough with this sappy stuff...
8. I CANNOT WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS! Only 20 more days!!! I think I'm more excited than the kids this year. :P I'm making things for each of my dear sisters, and of course something for my mom, too. I am especially eager to give my mom her gift, but I still have a lot of work to do before it will be ready! I will have to remember to post a picture of it! I'm super happy that Rochelle, Charlie, and Phebe will be spending Christmas with us this year! I miss them, and I sure wish we were all living a lot closer. Whichhh brings me to my next point....
9. Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That doesn't even BEGIN to describe how I feel about where we live right now!!! It is SUCH a pain in the butt to live over an hour away from everyone that I know, and even further from my parents and Christine. I have to be honest, I keep begging God that He will open the door for us to move to the perfect location with the perfect house at the perfect price and in His perfect timing.... but I guess I've always thought that God's perfect timing is NOW because NOW would be perfect for me! LOL. I know He is doing something... teaching me a lesson in patience, teaching me to be content in every situation that He puts me in, and He's probably having a little fun watching me squirm and beg and try to convince Him that moving closer to civilization is best for us. But I don't think He is very convinced. My teeny tiny problems and baby-face tantrums don’t impress my Father too much. I must look like such a baby to Him... but what a loving Father He is to even listen to all my complaining and stomping around! :D He is such a Wonderful, compassionate God. And THIS, my friends, is why He is making me wait before He answers my prayers. And I know that whatever happens, it will be TRULY PERFECT for me and my family. <3
10. Homeschooling. When I sit down with Austin and Aidin to do school it goes so well! They learn fast and are super easy to teach. I couldn't ask for better students, but often times I feel so inadequate to teach them. I still haven't regained all my energy after the pregnancy, and I know a huge part of that is due to the lack of sleep and junk food that I eat. I really can't wait till I am feeling like my old self again. I usually get my energy back by around 8-10 months after having my babies. This time might take a bit longer due to how many kids we now have and the tough pregnancy and delivery, but I am confident that by midsummer I will be running circles around these kids. That's all I really want these days. ENERGY. And food. :P
Well, I'm going to stop there because it's 2:30am and I really need to snore into my pillow for a few hours, IF I can get Harmoni to scoot onto Adam's side of the bed instead of having her pinned against me all night! Boy I sure do love that little girl. And as I type this I can hear EVERY ONE of my kids snoring. Gotta love my small house!!! Ok, goodnight ya'll!
I loved reading this Heather. It was like looking into a window of your heart and mind. I am right there with you an several of your points. I think a lot of it boils down to the fact that we need to learn to be content in God and where He has us in life knowing that His plans are always grander than we can imagine if we will only wait on Him and His timing. I think some of it also has to do with the time of year. The colder, darker days can become discouraging partly due to the lack of vitamin D we are able to get. As far as the snacking for me some days are worse than others but drinking more water will help with that. The wanting unhealthy things may be your body's cry for water not food.
ReplyDeleteI love ya girl and always remember to keep you chin up no matter what happens. <3
Stacy
Thank you so much for your comment, Stacy!!! :D I think you are absolutely right about the lack of vit D, wanting junk food because I am really craving water, and needing to be content in where God puts us in life. You summed it up beautifully. <3 I love you too dear friend!!!
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